I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don’t have balls.
Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don’t like it, but you still eat it.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window…
If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.
I know a woman who owns a taser. – She’s stunning!
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
What does a girl want more than anything in the world? – Nothing. She’s fine.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It’s very rewarding, but quite challenging. – Took me ages to get her husband’s voice right.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. – If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
How do you tell when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Woman jokes aren’t funny, period.
How is a woman and a car alike put something in them and they’ll both start.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
Wait, I can explain everything!
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.