Ups jokes

Whoever invented religions, they fucked up.

We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.

This is a Cuphead joke.

Why did the clown drive over the cup? Cuz he wanted to CRACK him up!

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.

Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

Passengers: *Clap*

Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

Flight Attendant: And what is that?

Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---

Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.

Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.

That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )

Jack and Jill went up a hill, each with a buck and a quarter.

Jill came down, and she had two-fifty! Oh, what a whore! (Andrew Dice Clay joke.)

What does a disabled person want to be when they grow up? A stand-up comedian.

A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."

Hey guys, thank you for finding this. Vote in the thumbs up or thumbs down whether you prefer Reese’s cups or Starbursts, and comment if you have a different preference! I would like to know a little about people! Thanks, Izzy.

As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.

My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.

I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.

Jack and Jill ran up the hill to pop some pills,

And Jill said, "Jack can do her without here will," and Jack's penis was still.

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Perform fellatio.

The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.

Most people age up on their birthdays,

Stephen levels up.

Up your pp with a piece of crap!

Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?

Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!

Don't trust stairs... They are always up to something.

Girl: Hey. Boy: Hi? Girl: I need to tell you something... Boy: WHAT? Girl: I like you. Boy: And I hate you. Boy: YOU'RE A CHICKEN 🐔🐔 🐔 Girl: I HATE YOU YOU POOP 💩💩💩💩 Girl: LOSER L Boy: I thought you said you liked me. Girl: SHUT UP CHICKEN/POOP 💩💩🐔 🐔 Boy: GIRL BYE Girl: Bye Felicia.

Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?

He couldn't make it up the stairs.