Health jokes
What do we want? A cure for obesity.
When do we want it? After lunch.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?
A toothbrush.
What is six inches, goes in your mouth, and it's fun when it vibrates? A toothbrush.
What’s the best way to get gum out of hair?
Cancer.
tru tho
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, Here's hoping you do too.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.
What’s white and sticky and better to spit out than to swallow? Toothpaste.