A common question I get as a doctor is, do vaccines cause autism? Well!, I was vaccinated, so.....
So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."
Why did the moderator of worstjokesever.com die?
He had a heart attack because he was a fat loser.
One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"
Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."
His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"
Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I know he LCD'd them and all, but I have been tripping all day.
A note for My arts/health teacher:
oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”
What is your snow ❄️ name? X-ray.
All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...
His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
