Health jokes
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
I hate wearing a mask in public.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?
A hurri-CANE.
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
Memes
tru tho
Don't let an extra chromosome keep you down!
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
l li
ll l_
I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.
What’s white and sticky and better to spit out than to swallow? Toothpaste.
I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Crippling depression.
Crippling depression who--?
Me.