Health jokes

Rory Burrows is dyslexic.

What is it called when an art teacher has a heart attack?

An art attack!

I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.

I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."

I am thinking of removing my spine.

It's only holding me back.

I bet you go grocery shopping at the Twinkie Factory.

I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.

You know why women wear tampons?

So the crabs could bungee jump!

Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.

Then I waited for the results.

Your mom is SOO stupid, she was studying for a COVID test.

I wish I was blind.

Why did the rapper go to the optometrist?

Because he needed to improve his RAP VISION.

Why did Daveon go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.

Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."

Boy: "What's that?"

Grandpa: "What's what?"

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.

How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?

Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.

Joe mama so dumb she studies for the COVID test.

What do you call a frozen Band-Aid?

Cool-Aid!

I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I see you, I see you; you would have to work out.