Health jokes
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
What is six inches, goes in your mouth, and it's fun when it vibrates? A toothbrush.
What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?
A toothbrush.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, Here's hoping you do too.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
tru tho
What do we want? A cure for obesity.
When do we want it? After lunch.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
Once my sister was a sister, now she's a blister.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
I hate wearing a mask in public.
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?
A hurri-CANE.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
l li
ll l_