This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live." The man says " 10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?" The doctor calmly replies "Nine"
I have an EpiPen
Friend gave it to me when he was as dying
It seemed really important to him that I have it
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" She asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, 'Well I have good news and bad news.' The woman says, 'I'll hear the good news first please.' The doctor replies 'The good news is we're naming a disease after you!'
Where do cows 🐮 get their medicine 💊?
At the farmacy.
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
Why do hospitals have fans? To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. "I don't understand it, Doc", she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas". "Thankfully", she added, "they are at least silent when I fart". Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled. The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive." to the corona patients
Michael Jakson gets really ill so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there he says 'am i in heaven?' The doctor replies 'Nah sir we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward.'
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts ANSWER: assprin
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these and he replies with "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
Doctor: You're as healthy as a horse! Jimmy: That's great! Doctor: A horse with cancer.
An orphan goes to a doctor. Doctor: Sorry I can't help you Orphan: But why? Doctor: I'm a family doctor
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
