Lifestyle jokes
Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
I'm not fat!!
I'm a Nutritional Overachiever.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Surprise egg.
Like this if one of your family members is emo!
What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?
A toaster.
With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.
what do you call a lazy gay?
someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.
Abortion isn't murder, it's just canceling a pre-order.
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
I tried being an emo, but I never got the hang of it.
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?
What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?
A: A virgin.