Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.
What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?
A toaster.
what do you call a lazy gay?
someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.
Abortion isn't murder, it's just canceling a pre-order.
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?
What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?
A: A virgin.
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
