Lifestyle jokes
Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
I'm not fat!!
I'm a Nutritional Overachiever.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Surprise egg.
What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?
A toaster.
Like this if one of your family members is emo!
With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.
what do you call a lazy gay?
someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.
Abortion isn't murder, it's just canceling a pre-order.
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?
What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?
A: A virgin.
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.