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My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

Wife:Honey im pregnant

Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad

Wife:No you’re not

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.

My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work…

He’s a suicide bomber.

“Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, “Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween.”

Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got the see either of them and they are now extinct

My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway

You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

Q: What’s the difference between me and cancer? A: My dad didn’t beat cancer…

My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.

at class,a kindergartner named jeffrey,was supposed to do a project on which superhero his dad would be.1 kid said,my dad would be superman because he is strong.the teacher congratulated him.another kid showed his project and said,my dad would be batman because he has all of these cool electronics he uses every day.once again the teacher congratulated him on his work.then the last kid jeffrey,showed his project and said,my dad would be spiderman,because he pins me to the ground,and shoots out a sticky white substance.

Teacher: Ok class I’m going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don’t worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a “no”. His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, “Why do you keep asking me to croak?” The granddaughter replies, “Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland.”

A son walks up to his dad and says "Dad! I just had sex for the first time." The dad goes "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?“ The son says "I cant sit right now, my butt is very sore.”

my dad told me to do wht he did best so i left

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.