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Die

Anonymous

“Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”

Daughter

help

Daughter: Dad

Dad: Yes honey

Daughter: Im Lesbian

Dad: Ok

Daughter 2: Dad

Dad: Yes?

Daughter 2: Im lesbian too

Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here

Son: I do…

Abuse

PScantron

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.

See

Anonymous

Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got the see either of them and they are now extinct

Wife

Weeb

Wife:Honey im pregnant

Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad

Wife:No you’re not

Suicide Bomber

Anonymous

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work…

He’s a suicide bomber.

Orphan

Anonymous

Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage Kid: Why are you doing that?

Dad: So you won’t get bored there

Light

dirty night clown

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

Puns

Euan

One day I came home from school and said to my dad ‘I got expelled from school today’ he said ’ how’ I said I threw my book at the teacher’ he asked why’ I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program and my teacher said words can’t hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. ’

Difference

Anonymous

Q: What’s the difference between me and cancer? A: My dad didn’t beat cancer…

Disappearance

Anonymous

My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.

Wife

Big Mama Chungus

One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.

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People

Morbid

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, “Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween.”

Kid

Anonymous

Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn’t real Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk

Puns

Tenzin da fadafingling

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

Die

Hangy boi

Teacher: Ok class I’m going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don’t worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.

Arms

Anonymous

This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult “I know the whole truth” they will be all weird so he went home and told his mom “I know the whole truth” and she gave him 20$ and said to keep quiet. Pleased when his dad got home he said “I know the whole truth” and his dad gave him 40$ an said don’t tell mom. really pleased he met the mailman the next day and said “I know the whole truth” then the mailman got down on his knee opened his arms and said come to daddy.

Son

Connor

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway

Girlfriend

Anonymous

i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

Sense

Anonymous

My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005

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