Wife:Honey im pregnant

Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad

Wife:No you’re not

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.

“Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”

My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, “Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween.”

Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got the see either of them and they are now extinct

i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway

Daughter: Dad

Dad: Yes honey

Daughter: Im Lesbian

Dad: Ok

Daughter 2: Dad

Dad: Yes?

Daughter 2: Im lesbian too

Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here

Son: I do…

You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work…

He’s a suicide bomber.

My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005

“Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”

The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?

Teacher: Ok class I’m going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don’t worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.

One day I came home from school and said to my dad ‘I got expelled from school today’ he said ’ how’ I said I threw my book at the teacher’ he asked why’ I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program and my teacher said words can’t hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. ’

My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.

Q: What’s the difference between me and cancer? A: My dad didn’t beat cancer…

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.