There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, “Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween.”

“Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”

My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.

I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.

Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got the see either of them and they are now extinct

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway

Q: What’s the difference between me and cancer? A: My dad didn’t beat cancer…

My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.

You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

A son walks up to his dad and says "Dad! I just had sex for the first time." The dad goes "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?“ The son says "I cant sit right now, my butt is very sore.”

So a daughter asks her father “dad what is you opinion on abortions?” So her father says why don’t you ask your sister. The daughter responds “but I don’t have a sister… Oh”

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.

My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005

Tits are like Lego bricks. They’re there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a “no”. His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, “Why do you keep asking me to croak?” The granddaughter replies, “Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland.”

Daughter: Dad

Dad: Yes honey

Daughter: Im Lesbian

Dad: Ok

Daughter 2: Dad

Dad: Yes?

Daughter 2: Im lesbian too

Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here

Son: I do…

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie. It’ll be fun.” “Ok,” the mom and son reply happily. “Let me start,” says the son. “Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom. “I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son. “Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom. “Your right!” He replies. “I’ll go next,” says the dad. I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.” “Hmm… Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son. “The lie isn’t that your adopted.” Says the dad.

at class,a kindergartner named jeffrey,was supposed to do a project on which superhero his dad would be.1 kid said,my dad would be superman because he is strong.the teacher congratulated him.another kid showed his project and said,my dad would be batman because he has all of these cool electronics he uses every day.once again the teacher congratulated him on his work.then the last kid jeffrey,showed his project and said,my dad would be spiderman,because he pins me to the ground,and shoots out a sticky white substance.

Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van?

Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children

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