Phone Jokes


in Orphan

Why was the Orphans first phone a IphoneX

Because it didn’t have a home button



You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?

Next time you get a call from them just answer the phone and say "Pizza Hut abortion clinic where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"



Why is there no phone in China

To many wings to many wongs might wing wong number



A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.

My name, my address and my phone number.



Me:dad my phone is broken Dad:how Me:i clicked the home button but im still at school Dad:stupid


What is a fruit's favorite way to call someone?



What phone do midgets use?

A MICROphone


My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking".


Good day tomorrow and what day are they still good today good time love 💕 day a great 👍 night time and



"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."

"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."



Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies


in Dirty Joke

You want to hear a dirty joke?

This guy and this girl were having sex when the guys boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick" His boss replies, "you don't sound sick" The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone


in Wife

**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?

Goofy ah

Me: truth or dare?

Crush: dare

Me: I dare you to give me your phone number

Crush: umm nevermind truth

Me: ok what is your phone number


in Dark Humor

so i was on the phone with a scam caller, he said he knew where i lived and would kill my children and wife jokes on him i already did.


in America

When an American goes on a weight the other person will say "I asked for your weight, not your phone number"!


Yo mama so fat, that when she took a selfie, she needed 2 phones


in Hairline

Your hairline is so long when you finally found the length of your hairline you told it to some one and they said don’t give me your phone number