Health jokes
Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!
A man once went to a doctor because his leg was turning blue.
The doctor said that his leg had to be amputated as it was getting poisonous.
The man then got plastic prosthetics.
Next day even the prosthetics started turning blue.
After much examination, the doctor found that the patient's pants were shedding color.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?
TIMMAHHHH!
How do you know a vampire's sick? If he's coffin (coughing?)
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.
How do people get skinny?
Their parents don't feed them. (JOKE)
Tired kid with asthma: "It's hard to breathe."
Gym Teacher: "That's alright."
Other Kid: "Hush!"
What is the toughest part of the human body?
Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
Doctor: You have cancer.
Patient: Will I survive?
Doctor: Probably not.
Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.
An obese kid farts.
If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
Yo momma's so fat that she got married to diabetes!