Health jokes

The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.

Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.

Why don’t some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don’t work out.

Don't let an extra chromosome keep you down!

I heard you were looking for a stud...

I already have the STD; all I need is you.

I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.

Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...

A piece of cake.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, Here's hoping you do too.

Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?

Me: *silence*

What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?

A toothbrush.

What is six inches, goes in your mouth, and it's fun when it vibrates? A toothbrush.

What’s the best way to get gum out of hair?

Cancer.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

Halloween joke:

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?

A blood test.

What do we want? A cure for obesity.

When do we want it? After lunch.

What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

My dad didn't beat the cancer.

Once my sister was a sister, now she's a blister.

I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.

Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.