I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.
I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
I heard you were looking for a stud...
I already have the STD; all I need is you.
Don't let an extra chromosome keep you down!
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
What’s the best way to get gum out of hair?
Cancer.
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
What's a person with Down syndrome's favorite detergent?
Downy.
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Crippling depression.
Crippling depression who--?
Me.
What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?
Her miscarriage.
How do you make epileptic kids dance?
Throw a flash bang in their room.
What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Is depression sadness or happiness? I call it a fun time.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?
A baked potato.
My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
