Health jokes
So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."
What’s the difference between drugs and kids?
I don’t do drugs.
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.
I can't stand disability jokes.
Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.
What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?
My depressed body would look great hanging from a tree...
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
Once my sister was a sister, now she's a blister.
I hate wearing a mask in public.
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.