Health jokes
Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.
I can't stand disability jokes.
What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
My depressed body would look great hanging from a tree...
Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
I heard you were looking for a stud...
I already have the STD; all I need is you.
What’s the best way to get gum out of hair?
Cancer.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.
What’s white and sticky and better to spit out than to swallow? Toothpaste.
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.