Health jokes
So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.
What’s the difference between drugs and kids?
I don’t do drugs.
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.
I can't stand disability jokes.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
My depressed body would look great hanging from a tree...
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?
A toothbrush.
What is six inches, goes in your mouth, and it's fun when it vibrates? A toothbrush.