Health jokes
Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."
I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.
What’s the difference between drugs and kids?
I don’t do drugs.
My depressed body would look great hanging from a tree...
Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.
I can't stand disability jokes.
What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!