Health jokes
My depressed body would look great hanging from a tree...
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
Memes
Me after hearing
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
What do we want? A cure for obesity.
When do we want it? After lunch.
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.
I heard you were looking for a stud...
I already have the STD; all I need is you.
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?
A toothbrush.
What is six inches, goes in your mouth, and it's fun when it vibrates? A toothbrush.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, Here's hoping you do too.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
What’s the best way to get gum out of hair?
Cancer.
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
Once my sister was a sister, now she's a blister.