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Kind

Hotel

What kind of dreams do hotels have?

Suite dreams

Puns

Anonymous

Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone

Orange

Anonymous

i had a dream about the whole ocean was filled with orange soda

turns out it was a fanta sea

German

Anonymous

A professor was talking about the american dream. then, he asked the german exchange student if there was a german dream, to which the student replies “we did, but no one liked it.”

Baby

Bill Nye is hot

Dream tweeted, and I quote “Babies kick pregnant women all the time but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested.”

Depression

Snow Da Wolf

The teacher is asking you a question. Teacher: If your biggest dream came true, what would you be? Me: dead.

Forehead

Kogan 24" Smart LED TV (Series 7, EH7500) 4K

Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.

Sister

Sportsronan (sub me)

A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He wen’t to his brother, who was playing with a superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered ‘SUPERMAN!!!’. Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said 'in the barbie dream house! Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said ‘Olé Olé Olé!!!’. The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. ‘WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!’, the teacher boomed. ‘Superman’, the boy replied. ‘WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!’, the teacher continued. ‘In the Barbie Dream House’ ‘GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!’ ‘OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!’, the boy chanted on his was down the hall.

Puns

A random skeleton

Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!

Girl

Daniel King

Why did the silly girl 👧 put sugar under her pillow?

She wanted to have sweet dreams. 😂

Baby

Gu-u-uar-fie-e-eld

Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.

Man: Your hair color is fabulous. Woman: Thank you. It’s on aisle three at the corner drug store.

Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Go back to sleep.

Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.

Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Woman: I hate you.

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Night

Ray

I slept like a log last night…woke up in the fireplace

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Puns

Anonymous

Last Night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade… turns out I peed the bed.

Wife

Dev

so i was asleep and woke up and went to work my wife left already to her job i was driving my car and ran over someone i woke up in my bed realized it was all a dream 20 minutes later i got a phone call the my wife got hit bye a car

Offensive

Splittingmean

Sixty years ago Stephen Hawkings teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams kids reach for the stars.

Titanic

Anonymous

It was the year 1912, I was in the SS. titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, “I’ve heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?”

Forehead

cneal04

Johnny is very attached to his parents, he asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks "whats that?"The mother replies "that’s my garage" he looks up and asks what are those? The mother responds “those are my headlights.” He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down “daddy whats that?” The dad replies “that’s my car.” He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tell his mother and she says “you can lay with me.” He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed he gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving he looks under the covers to investigate and see’s them going at it he then yells “mommy turn on you’re headlights daddy’s parking his car in you’re garage!” THUD

Man

Anonymous

There was once a man from Peru Who fell asleep in a canoe While dreaming of Venus He played with his penis And awoke with a hand full of goo

Man

Tara

There once was a man from Peru.who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke up at night ,with a terrible fright,to find out his dream had come true.

Puns

Lifeisalie

My dad told me that his dreams were shatterd a few years ago

Then i asked him how many years ago

He replied with ”when were you born?”

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