Health jokes
Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?
Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!
Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"
"Being broke is a disease, stay the fuck away from me."
Which is more disabling, is it autism or Down syndrome?
What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?
Push 'em.
Yo mama so fat that when he was talking to a man, her bowels fell out.
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."
We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.
No one is taking it harder than grandpa.
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!
Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.
What’s Stephen Hawkins favourite shampoo and conditioner?
Head and shoulders.
What do you call an appetite including apples? Appletite.
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
💪 💪 🏋️♂️ What do you get when you cross a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a bukkake slut, and a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a sex worker?
Cum Junkie.
Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.
What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?
"Looks like a rerun."
Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?
A. A loaded potato.
Jada Smith: Grow some balls!
Me: Grow some hair!
When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.