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You wanna know who didn’t kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn’t; nor did he bite the dust.

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive… It’s a good thing my older brother told me about it.

Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, “Aren’t you worried about this mad cow disease that’s been going around?” The other cow replied, “Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I’m a rabbit!”

I wish i did’t have depression because all my friends have BBC Bitch be crazy disease.

“I’m sorry,” the doctor says, “you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you’ll only be fed cheese and bologna.”

“Will that cure me?” the patient asks.

“Well, no,” the doctor replies, “but it’s the only food that will fit under the door.”

God creates a mosquito :) God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly. Angel: okay… a bug. God: now give it’s face a sword, but it has a hole so it’s basically a mouth. Angel: weird… but okay… God: and give it wings. Angel: eh, not half bad Go- God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS Angel: shook o-okay God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out. Angel: .-. God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give ‘em a taste ‘o that! evil grin Angel: cries Angel: whispers; I’m so sorry…

One cow asks another cow, “Are you afraid of mad cow disease?” The other cow says, “Why should I be? I’m a helicopter.”

history teacher: They had a temporary cure for the disease , but it would be years before the found a cure for life. Student: I need that.

Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other “What do you think about that mad cow disease”. The other replies “Well I don’t have to worry about it. You’re talking to a telephone pole.”.

And the Lord said onto John, “Come forth to receive eternal life”. But John came fifth and won a toaster.

ligma is a disease so does that mean ligma balls

Time heals all wounds.

Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.

I almost a joke about parkinson’s disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully of him. The cop then asked the bully, “Why are you beating him up?” I responded, saying "I fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease. Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, “Well, how did I do?”

Your momma’s so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

DR Brody: Sir your son has a disease called boofa dad: whats boofa? DR Brody: both of these nuts in your mouth

This disabled kid walked up to me so I asked what disease he had. He said Lima. So I said, come again? And he said Lima nuts and I asked if that was a fruit and he said. No I’m a vegetable.

the sad thing is when they ride the scooters in wal mart…really you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with…and damned if they arent buying diet soda…please…cull this shit…we dont need them in society…kfc is not a disease

People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.

Q: you have problems, i think your disease is BOOFA Q: What boofa ? A: boofa deez nuts in yo mouth