Disease jokes
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"
You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.
What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?
One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.
Did you know one of the singers of YMCA had AIDS? Y-M-C-AIDS.
My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?
Steven Hawking's death, you should've gotten a case.
"Being broke is a disease, stay the fuck away from me."
I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!
Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.
2019 Senior Prank: Hey fellas, let's black out the school. Haha, we're so sneaky, oh yes!
2020 Senior Prank: Hey guys, I'm a tech whiz, let's spread a rumor on the internet saying a disease called the corona virus exists! Haha, it'd be so funny and good, even the whole world might fall for it!
Everyone in December 2020 looks at tech whiz: "...you son of a b*tch!!!"
Tech whiz: "You guys are the a**holes! I mean you fell for it for a whole year!"
If laughter is contagious, Kris's jokes are immunity.
Why is there no medication in Africa?
Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."
What disease do you get from eating fish?
Salmonella!
What is Stephen Hawking's best side?
The left.
Which is more disabling, is it autism or Down syndrome?
My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.