The 100+ Best Disease Jokes

And the Lord said onto John, "Come forth to receive eternal life". But John came fifth and won a toaster.

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, 'Well I have good news and bad news.' The woman says, 'I'll hear the good news first please.' The doctor replies 'The good news is we're naming a disease after you!'

I almost a joke about parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.

You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.

People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.

One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?" The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."

I do t get why cancer is so hard to beat. I’m already on stage 4

Theres an outbreak of the foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.

I hope my teacher will be ok

while undressing a woman, she told me she has aids, i told her she cant catch it twice but she still kept screaming

“Knock Knock!” “Who’s there?” “It’s Dave!”

“Dave who?”

Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

Old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's.". The old man says "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother carl. he got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. when we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. it was pretty cholerious.

Alzheimers protesters march chanting. "What do we want? Better Treatment.... When do we want it........ Want what?

Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...

...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."

To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"

Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, "Aren't you worried about this mad cow disease that's been going around?" The other cow replied, "Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I'm a rabbit!"