You wanna know who didn’t kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn’t; nor did he bite the dust.

Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, “Aren’t you worried about this mad cow disease that’s been going around?” The other cow replied, “Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I’m a rabbit!”

I wish i did’t have depression because all my friends have BBC B.... be crazy disease.

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive… It’s a good thing my older brother told me about it.

“I’m sorry,” the doctor says, “you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you’ll only be fed cheese and bologna.”

“Will that cure me?” the patient asks.

“Well, no,” the doctor replies, “but it’s the only food that will fit under the door.”

People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.

And the Lord said onto John, “Come forth to receive eternal life”. But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Two guys were walking down the street and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any Blond in the world into giving him a B......, any Blond! So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said alright let’s see it! The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, Hi my names Dave and my Doctor just told me that if I didn’t get a B...... from a Blond within three hours that the disease I have will kill me in 'oh less see now 22 minutes! She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said “You mean I could save you from dying right now?” Then she says pull it out! 10 minutes later the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out! So he walks over to her and says I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friends life?! So she looks up him just crying her eyes out even worse and says" I could have saved my dad!"

Time heals all wounds.

Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.

I almost a joke about parkinson’s disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully of him. The cop then asked the bully, “Why are you beating him up?” I responded, saying "I fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease. Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, “Well, how did I do?”

Your momma’s so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

DR Brody: Sir your son has a disease called boofa dad: whats boofa? DR Brody: both of these nuts in your mouth

One cow asks another cow, “Are you afraid of mad cow disease?” The other cow says, “Why should I be? I’m a helicopter.”

This d....... kid walked up to me so I asked what disease he had. He said Lima. So I said, come again? And he said Lima nuts and I asked if that was a fruit and he said. No I’m a vegetable.

God creates a mosquito :) God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly. Angel: okay… a bug. God: now give it’s face a sword, but it has a hole so it’s basically a mouth. Angel: weird… but okay… God: and give it wings. Angel: eh, not half bad Go- God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS Angel: shook o-okay God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out. Angel: .-. God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give ‘em a taste ‘o that! evil grin Angel: cries Angel: whispers; I’m so sorry…

history teacher: They had a temporary cure for the disease , but it would be years before the found a cure for life. Student: I need that.

Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other “What do you think about that mad cow disease”. The other replies “Well I don’t have to worry about it. You’re talking to a telephone pole.”.

ligma is a disease so does that mean ligma balls

Where did the chef put the disease?

In Ebola

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