Health jokes
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
Yo mama so fat when the doctor saw her weight on the scale he said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
What kind of cold flu do the Japanese get? The Koflu.
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.
People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!
What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
What do you call a Fuhrer who's also a fitness coach?
Adolf Fit-ler.
Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.
Doc: What's wrong with that?
Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.
I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.
Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.