Health jokes
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
I was gonna tell a memory loss joke, but I forgot it.
With great depression comes great antidepressants.
Why do orphans die so much?
'Cause MJ said "she got COVID-19."
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
Memes
Aren't paraplegics just plegics who can fly?
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”
What is better than winning gold at the Para Olympics?
WALKING!
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
Me: I'm afraid of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh, I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...
I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.
I'm stumped.
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.
To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.
What's breakdancing, twitching, and noisy?
A child with epilepsy.
What do you get if you eat sugar?
High.
How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?
You get a good connection.