Health jokes
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
My dad said I need to eat more. I don't know why, but his fat ass needs to stop eating.
Why does Africa have no pharmacies? Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What is the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
Every zodiac sign has a hairstyle, except Cancer.
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
Just watched an upsetting video. Please retweet. #Stop The Make-A-Wish Foundation.
Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.
What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?
Your mum.
A 6-year-old told the class the first time she got AIDS. The teacher listened. She said she scraped her knee. The girl was sent to an asylum. When she got out, she was 20. She had AIDS.
Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.
Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.
Me: How do you know that?
My therapist said time heals all wounds. I stabbed him. Now we wait...
I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.