Health jokes
Why are you so white?
Because you have no lotion on.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).
Bro, I gave a suicidal kid Nikes... he just did it, lol.
What is the only part of a vegetable you can’t eat?
The wheelchair.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheel.
Memes
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?
TIMMAHHHH!
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!
What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Q: Why are medication pills white?
A: Because they work.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics!
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?
Reload and keep firing!
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
What’s the hardest part about making vegetable soup?
To put the wheelchair in the pot.
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese.