Health jokes
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
What is better than winning gold at the Para Olympics?
WALKING!
Aren't paraplegics just plegics who can fly?
Me: I'm afraid of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh, I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
With great depression comes great antidepressants.
That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...
I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.
How does the skeleton call his friends? With a tele-bone.
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!
I was gonna tell a memory loss joke, but I forgot it.
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.
Then I waited for the results.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.
The next day, he could see only one color... black.
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?
They both take it in the back and go woop woop.
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.
What do you call a ruptured Chinese man?
One Hung Lo.