Obesity jokes

Why does Sally have no friends? Because she is obese.

Yeah, Asians have squinty eyes, but that's because they have had the displeasure of seeing so many ugly obese Americans in one place.

Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."

I know five fat people, and you're three of them.

Life is like a box of chocolates... It ends sooner for fat people.

Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.

Patient: It runs in the family.

Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.

Yo mama so fat, she blocked my internet connection.

Yo mama is so fat, she takes her selfies in panoramic mode.

Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.

Yo mama is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Yo mama is so fat, she has her own personal gravity.

yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."

I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

Yo mama so fat, she uses the equator as her belt.

You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.

Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.