Surgeon Jokes

I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.

Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.

Patient: Oh, doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.

Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?

A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!

What's the difference between a surgeon and God?

God knows he's not a surgeon.

My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"

He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.

Operation failed in North Korea, the surgeon died.

What do you call a Barbie doll that’s wearing scrubs?

A plastic surgeon. 😷

What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?

Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.

What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"

My cousin is a surgeon.

Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.

Do you think the founder of Dunlop was a retired tree surgeon or a hairdresser?