Health jokes
One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"
Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."
His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"
Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.
Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!
I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I know he LCD'd them and all, but I have been tripping all day.
Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
Memes
It works, my brother has never slept better
A note for My arts/health teacher:
oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.
When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
Therapist just mean the-rapist.
All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...
His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
What is your snow ❄️ name? X-ray.
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
Snow White and the six Dwarfs, Sneezy was caught by covid-19 quarantine!
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.