Health jokes
I heard you were looking for a stud...
I already have the STD; all I need is you.
I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
Me after hearing
Don't let an extra chromosome keep you down!
l li
ll l_
What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?
A hurri-CANE.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Crippling depression.
Crippling depression who--?
Me.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?
Her miscarriage.
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill.
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,
And he needed a painkiller pill.
My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
Is depression sadness or happiness? I call it a fun time.
A common question I get as a doctor is, do vaccines cause autism? Well!, I was vaccinated, so.....
Why did the moderator of worstjokesever.com die?
He had a heart attack because he was a fat loser.
One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"
Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."
His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"
Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.
Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!