Health jokes
When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
What is your snow ❄️ name? X-ray.
Memes
Shrimp posture
Snow White and the six Dwarfs, Sneezy was caught by covid-19 quarantine!
What do you do when you get rid of prostate cancer?
Cell-ablate!
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
What is the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.
JACK AND JILL 2.0
After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,
Jack was screaming till his voice went nil,
And Jill screamed "Chill!"
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
What do you call a fat person in a wheelchair?
A broken wheelchair.
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.