Health jokes
Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.
Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.
"Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
Why are uncles like curries?
Because bad ones hurt your asshole.
I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.
I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"
The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together!
Me: Knock, knock.
Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?
What can run, be an eyesore, and practice social distancing?
Your hairline.
Health feed fights grand gucxsrdcjcgfdz taxicab heaven reflection during harvesting.
What do you call a Panera Bread doctor?
A Panera med.
You're so fat, you drank an invisibility potion, and everyone could still see you!
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
Yo mama so fat that she's social distancing from herself.
Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?
Your hairline is gone because you never bathed or brushed.
The cure for depression is around the corner... There it is, the train.
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...
All of the bristles fell out!