Health jokes
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
You're so fat that when you went outside, you broke the 2-meter rule for COVID.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...
All of the bristles fell out!
Life's like a box of chocolates. Doesn't last long for fat people.
Memes
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
Why are uncles like curries?
Because bad ones hurt your asshole.
Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?
Your hairline is gone because you never bathed or brushed.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.
The cure for depression is around the corner... There it is, the train.
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.
"Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"
Your mama so fat, the scale said, "Only one person at a time, please!"
What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?
Organ harvesting.
The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
What's green and bad for your teeth?
A green brick.
Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?
He's all right now.
What did Santa give the mute, blind, quadriplegic orphan at Christmas?
Chlamydia.
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!