The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
Why are all fat people bad drivers?
They are all hungover.
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: “ASPERGER’S”
My mom told me to unplug all the electronics, so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
Why was the director injured?
He couldn't find the right cast!
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
What do bubbles get when they’re sick?
The suds.
A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.
If laughter is contagious, LEO is immune.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.
Why did Daveon go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.
Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in some laundry...
What do you call a gender neutral person who is lactose intolerant non-bi dairy?
In life, some people have it harder than others.
That's why Viagra exists.
Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?
He got hearing aids.
What does Can do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
