Health jokes
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...
All of the bristles fell out!
Who is the blindest person in the world?
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?
Your hairline is gone because you never bathed or brushed.
The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together!
What can run, be an eyesore, and practice social distancing?
Your hairline.
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.
My mom told me to be positive...
I was heading to an HIV test.
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.
Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
When you get injured 😢
When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩
Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?
They would hang themselves like ornaments.
You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.