Health jokes
What is a girl's favorite song when they are on their period?
"Period, oh period, oww!"
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.
What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?
Motor disease.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
What do you do if your dick is smoking?
Get your mum to lick it.
"A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.
What's the difference between normal sex and anal sex?
One makes your whole day and one makes your hole weak.
Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.
You're so fat, that you're fat.
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
Yo mama is such a creep; she thought PTSD stood for "Please Touch Small Dicks."
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because he had no body to go with.
How do sick Mexicans say hello?
"Ebola."
What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?
"Happynese" (happy knees).
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.