Health jokes

What does Can do after eating its vegetables?

Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.

Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room with rubber rats. Rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...

Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?

My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

What is faster, hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch a cold.

What do priests give children?

Syphilis.

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.

There are 206 bones in the human body.

207 when I'm at a nursery.

My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"

Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?

She thought it was Diet Coke.

What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?

They usually don’t live to tell the tale.

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?

OJ couldn’t kill cancer.

All countries will get Covid.

Except China, they got it right off the bat.

What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.

If we send more mosquitoes to Africa, we could save more mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

Why are there no chemists in Africa?

Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.