Health jokes

Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? Because they don’t get homesick.

Which nut is the worst for your diet?

Donuts.

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

What happens to a nervous nut?

It cracks.

Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.

Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.

I told her, "Do a wheelie!"

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.

My mom told me to be positive...

I was heading to an HIV test.

If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.

If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.

What part of a vegetable can you not eat?

The wheelchair.

When you get injured 😢

When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.

Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?

They would hang themselves like ornaments.

What fell first, the feather or the depressed kid?

Q: The feather, the depressed kid is still up there.

Doctor: You should stop masturbating.

Me: Doc, I'm almost done.