Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.
Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.
Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?
Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
Yo mama so fat, she blocked my internet connection.
Yo momma so fat, her belt size is E for Equator.
Yo mama is so fat, it took Nationwide 15 years to get on her side.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
You shouldn’t bully fat people.
They already have enough on their plate.
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."
I know five fat people, and you're three of them.
Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.
