Fat jokes

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.

Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?

Students: Eggs.

Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?

Kids: Bacon.

Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?

Kids: Homework.

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

My friend: Chunky dunks.

Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.

Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.

Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?

Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

Yo mama is so fat, it took Nationwide 15 years to get on her side.

You shouldn’t bully fat people.

They already have enough on their plate.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.

Yo momma so fat, her belt size is E for Equator.

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."

Yo mama so fat, she blocked my internet connection.

Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.

Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.