Fat

Fat Jokes

Woman

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Homework

Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?

Students: Eggs.

Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?

Kids: Bacon.

Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?

Kids: Homework.

Compliment

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

Skinny

Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

My friend: Chunky dunks.

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  • Fatty

    Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.

    Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.

    Christmas

    Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?

    Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.

    Bathroom scale

    A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

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  • Doctor

    My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."

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  • Mama

    Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.