Fat jokes
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?
Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
Your mama's so fat, scientists found a new planet called Heranus.
You are the reason double doors were invented.
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
Location is in London by the way.
One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.
His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.