Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.”

Fatty and skinny were in a bed. Fatty rolled over and skinny was dead.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.

Yo mama is so fat it took Nation Wide 15 years to get on her side.

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don’t pick it up.

What did the little boy say to the fat man?

How many Japs did you get?

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help!” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”

Yo mama is so fat, she goes to the beach to sell shade.

Teacher:Kids what does a chicken give you

Students: Eggs

Teacher: Very good now what does the pig give you

Kids: Bacon

Teacher: Excellent now what does the fat cow give you

Kids: Homework

A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.

Yo mama is so fat when she got on the scale it said one at a time please.

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?

They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.

A funny joke scenario Person 1: Why didn’t he skeleton go to the dance?

Person 2: Because he had no “body” to go with.

Person 1: Because he was ugly fat and nobody liked him

Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat, you get Fat.

What? were you expecting a pi joke?

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