Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.”

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.

Teacher:Kids what does a chicken give you

Students: Eggs

Teacher: Very good now what does the pig give you

Kids: Bacon

Teacher: Excellent now what does the fat cow give you

Kids: Homework

Fatty and skinny were in a bed. Fatty rolled over and skinny was dead.

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don’t pick it up.

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

Location is in London by the way. One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money. His friend, “Oh for once you lost some pounds!”

your mamas so fat, scientists found a new planet called Heranus

Yo mama is so fat, she goes to the beach to sell shade.

Why do the japanese hate Christmas???

Becasue the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population

Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.

a short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them, the fat person just has to lean slightly and its 911 all over again.

Yo mama is so fat when she got on the scale it said one at a time please.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help!” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”

Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.

Man: "Is your body from Mcdonalds?" Woman: "Why, because your loving it?" Man: “No, because its fat and greasy.”


What did the little boy say to the fat man?

How many Japs did you get?