Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don’t pick it up.

Fatty and skinny were in a bed. Fatty rolled over and skinny was dead.

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.”

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Yo mama is so fat it took Nation Wide 15 years to get on her side.

What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?

Optimistic

Yo Mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said-- To be continued

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.

what do you say to a fat Asian? you got more chins then a Chinese phone book

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat, you get Fat.

What? were you expecting a pi joke?

What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?

They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.

your mamas so fat, scientists found a new planet called Heranus

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.

A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help!” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”

Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.

What did the little boy say to the fat man?

How many Japs did you get?