Fat Jokes

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?

Students: Eggs.

Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?

Kids: Bacon.

Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?

Kids: Homework.

Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?

Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.

Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.

Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

A fat man meets a skinny man.

The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."

And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."

Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

My friend: Chunky dunks.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

Yo Mama's so fat... whilst she was walking the streets of London, she accidentally bumped into someone, and that someone yelled, "Stupid American!"

Yo mama is so fat it took Nation Wide 15 years to get on her side.

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! Thats not going to help!" She said. "Sure it does." he said. "Its the only way i can see the numbers."

Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus

I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big fat blow job.