Fat jokes
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
You are the reason double doors were invented.
You shouldn’t bully fat people.
They already have enough on their plate.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?
Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
Yo mama so fat, she blocked my internet connection.
What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.
Location is in London by the way.
One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.
His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"
Yo mama's so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
Yo mama is so fat, she goes to the beach to sell shade.
Yo' mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."