Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.”

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.

Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington’s nose.

Yo mama is so fat it took Nation Wide 15 years to get on her side.

your mamas so fat, scientists found a new planet called Heranus

What did the little boy say to the fat man?

How many Japs did you get?

Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.

Yo Mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said-- To be continued

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don’t pick it up.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.

When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.

Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.

Yo mama is so fat when she got on the scale it said one at a time please.

according to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly, it wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don’t care about what humans think is impossible, Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black

Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, “We can’t fix that!”

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.

Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, the earth falls out of the Solar System.