It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible....But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’
China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said "but the world is round"
I said, babe you are my world.
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
A fat man meets a skinny man The fat man tells the skinny man: "when people look at you, they think the world's starving to death"
And the skinny man responds: "when they look at you, they know why"
My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills." grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence." grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" She asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
What do you call depressed Sesame Street?
Emo’s World
What's the most expensive haircut in the world ? Chemotherapy
yo mamas so fat that she doesn't need internet cause she is already world wide
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!
Sonic Can run around the world in a second. In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
I can hear the whole world booing me
yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Matress World and slept on the floor.
