Kid

WOW

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied:

“Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!”

Baseball

Anonymous

China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat

Priest

Anonymous

There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, “People need me for my medical skills.” grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, “People need me for my intelligence.” grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, “I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute.” The nerd says, “Don’t worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”

Breath

austin

my grandpa has a world record for holding his breathe… hes been holding it for 6 years.

War

Anonymous

Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.

Twin Towers

Anonymous

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds

Vegetable

Anonymous

Where can you find some of the world’s largest vegetables? – In an American nursing home.

Puns

Anonymous

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world

America

Big Boss Tom

yo mama’s so stupid she got locked in Matress World and slept on the floor.

Puns

joey drew

People are making end of the world jokes, like there’s no tomorrow.

Chemotherapy

Jv

What’s the most expensive haircut in the world ? Chemotherapy

Time

Anonymous

Sonic Can run around the world in a second. In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.

Dirt

fact

How is the world like dirt?Because we don’t think twice about it.

Wife

aye

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’

Trump

Anonymous

Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were one a falling airplane. Their were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world”, so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually their are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”

Hide

Mike Hunt

Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!

Ball

Anonymous

the gayest person in the world is pacman. you can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

People

Tide Pods Challenge

The more people who like to eat tide pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁

Curry

Anonymous

Is Stephen hawking under warranty, if so can I bring him back to currys pc world?

Day

Anonymous

Some day, Canada will take over the world. – And then we’ll all be sorry.

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