Health jokes

Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."

A guy does not know anything. Oh, wait, he has dementia.

I'm high and it's very hot.

I need some water, but I don't got none. AHAHA.

Have you heard about kids with AIDS?

It never gets old.

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."

By a tweaker with AIDS.

Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.

Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!

"Peppa Pig"-like pandemics.

A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.

Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?

Because they need parents' signature.

A depressed kid gave me a high five. I left him hanging.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

Who is the blindest person in the world?

He slips, he falls, he dislocates his balls!

When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.

Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?

Because there is a family reunion.

You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!

I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.

Doctor: Oh, I see.

Me: Ahhhh!!!!!

What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!