Health jokes

I'm high and it's very hot.

I need some water, but I don't got none. AHAHA.

Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.

Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!

What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?

Standing ovation!

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.

Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."

"You is so black your mama fainted."

A guy does not know anything. Oh, wait, he has dementia.

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."

By a tweaker with AIDS.

Have you heard about kids with AIDS?

It never gets old.

Why are all fat people bad drivers?

They are all hungover.

What can you catch but not throw?

A cold!

I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.

Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.

Nope, should've gone to Specsavers.

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.

I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.

If there's a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that’s just nuts.