Health jokes

Why are uncles like curries?

Because bad ones hurt your asshole.

I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.

I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"

Yo mama so fat that she's social distancing from herself.

Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."

Me: Knock, knock.

Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?

Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!

Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.

The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"

Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."

The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"

Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."

What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?

They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.

Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.

I told her, "Do a wheelie!"

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? Because they don’t get homesick.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.

Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."

"You is so black your mama fainted."

A guy does not know anything. Oh, wait, he has dementia.

Have you heard about kids with AIDS?

It never gets old.

My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.

Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.

I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."

By a tweaker with AIDS.