Health jokes
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?
OJ couldn’t kill cancer.
Health feed fights grand gucxsrdcjcgfdz taxicab heaven reflection during harvesting.
What do you call a Panera Bread doctor?
A Panera med.
Me: Knock, knock.
Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?
What is a girl's favorite song when they are on their period?
"Period, oh period, oww!"
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
"A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Why are 10-pin bowlers always in pain?
Because their balls have holes in them.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!
He slips, he falls, he dislocates his balls!
Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?
Because there is a family reunion.
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.
"Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.
I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.
The cure for depression is around the corner... There it is, the train.