Drink jokes
A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.
What is a superhero’s 🦸♀️ favorite drink?
Fruit punch!
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What do you call a bar run by Gungans?
Jar Jar Drinks.
Stephen Hawking couldn't drink anything.
He'd break if he did.
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.
I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.
My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."
When creating the world, Jesus made the water salty. A person comes up to the water, drinks it, and says: "Why are you so salty?"
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking Fanta make you fantastic?
What do you call the worst feeling ever?
Drinking Big before Mini. :)
I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.
What do dogs drink? Pupsi.
Yo mama so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.
Why do you have to wipe yourself with toilet paper? Because bugs can crawl, eat your poop, and drink your pee!
How does Moses brew his coffee?
He brews it.