The 300+ Best Drink Jokes

If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic?

Whats a depressed persons favorite drink Depresso expresso Jk bleach

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?" "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?"

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep… That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning

Child: *drinking milk*

Farmer: hey, what are you doing?

Child: oh I just milked one of your cows

Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls

Child: *realizes*

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."

What's a depressed person's favorite drink? A depresso espresso.

It's cyanide.

What's a depressed persons favourite drink

Depresso espresso

Nah just kidding it's bleach

I finally stopped drinking for good

Now I purely drink for evil

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? - Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso expresso

Jk Its bleach

If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.

Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low and the cliff was non existent and now you took the poison !"

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off

a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.