Health jokes
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Social distancing.
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Yesterday, a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119...
Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
What's the chunkiest part of vegetable soup?
The wheelchair.
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.
What kind of jokes doesn’t work out?
Fat people jokes.
Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.
He is helping world hunger by feeding cancer.
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can't defeat cancer!
What do people with cancer always want to watch?
"Finding Chemo."
I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"