Health jokes
What time is it when you cannot walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Social distancing.
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.
Your mama is so fat, you can't tell if she's pregnant or not.
What did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast? His left shoulder.
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30.
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him.
There was a crying pandemic going around.
Why didn't Biden get the virus?
He sniffed everyone!
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.
Yesterday, a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119...
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
What's the chunkiest part of vegetable soup?
The wheelchair.
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.
Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.