Health jokes
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Michael Jackson went into an Italian restaurant and died because he choked on 9-year-old meatballs.
What did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast? His left shoulder.
People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30.
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
Your mama is so fat, you can't tell if she's pregnant or not.
One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him.
There was a crying pandemic going around.
Why didn't Biden get the virus?
He sniffed everyone!
I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.
Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
Yesterday, a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119...
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
What's the chunkiest part of vegetable soup?
The wheelchair.
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
What kind of jokes doesn’t work out?
Fat people jokes.
Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.