Health jokes
What do you call a dwarf with borderline autism? Jimothy.
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke."
Donald Trump is getting all the perks of 2020. He got COVID and lost his job.
"Cancer gives you weed. It’s not healthy."
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
What did the skeleton say when he fell on his funny bone? He laughed!
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.
I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!
Don’t worry if you have a stroke.
You’ll be all right.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
It's still depression, by the way.
Why do people eat bananas? Because it's appealing!
Ads for meds be like: Chloroform, it's Chloroform, helps with itchy eyes. Side affects may include Acute Flaccid Myelitis (AFM), AIDS (HIV/AIDS), Alphaviruses, Alzheimer's Disease, Alzheimer's Diseases (Spanish), Arboviral Encephalitis, Arthritis, Babesiois, Cancer, Unintentional injuries, Chronic lower respiratory disease, Stroke and cerebrovascular diseases, Alzheimer's disease, Diabetes, Influenza and pneumonia.
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.