Health jokes
Imagine there's a funny joke here... imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you're schizophrenic.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
What time is it when you cannot walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽
One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him.
There was a crying pandemic going around.
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Yesterday, a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119...
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
What's the chunkiest part of vegetable soup?
The wheelchair.
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can't defeat cancer!
He is helping world hunger by feeding cancer.
What do people with cancer always want to watch?
"Finding Chemo."
I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"
Yo mama so fat she can't walk for five seconds without sweating, causing a tsunami!
Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?