Girlfriend jokes
A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"
When is the best time to punch a midget in the face?
When he’s standing next to your girlfriend and says your hair smells nice.
Hi, I'm new here and I'm 11. I'm just bored and want a girlfriend.
Does anyone have Snapchat or Twitter? I can show you what I look like ;)
Q: What did Tim say when his girlfriend fell down a rabbit hole?
A: Hole-y shit!
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?
There is no difference.
I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.
What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?
I want your booty!
Depression, I got it.
A girlfriend, don't got it.
A life, don't got it.
Help, got it.
Friends, don't got it.
Family, I got it.
Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
This song is just like how my life is and how my girlfriend left.
- Do Re Mi- By- blackbear
Do, re, mi, fa, so
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)
Do, re, mi, fa, so
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
Yeah, if I could go back to the day we met
I probably would just stay in bed
You run your mouth all over town
And this one goes out to the sound
Of breakin' glass on my Range Rover
Pay me back, or bitch it's over
All the presents I would send
Fuck my friends behind my shoulder
Next time, I'ma stay asleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep, oh
And you got me thinkin' lately
Bitch, you crazy
And nothing's ever good enough
I wrote a little song for ya
It go like
Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl
So fuckin' done with all the games you play
I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe
Send the X and O's on another note
I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby
So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)
If I could go back to the day we met
I probably would've stayed in bed
You wake up everyday and make me feel like I'm incompetent
Designer shoes and Xanax tabs
Compliments your make-up bag
You never had to buy yourself a drink
'Cause everybody want to tap that ass sometime
And you got me thinkin' lately
Bitch, you crazy
And nothing's ever good enough
I wrote a little song for ya
It go like
Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl
So fuckin' done with all the games you play
I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe
Send the X and O's on another note
I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby
So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)
I wrote a little song for you, it go like
Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl
So fuckin' done with all the games you play
I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe
Send the X and O's on another note
I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby
So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
Do, re, mi, fa, so
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost
So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."
I finally got a girlfriend.
Her name is Remington Model 32.
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.
I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?
Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?
Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.
Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.
When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.
Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.