Relationship jokes
What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?
Both of them are just full of shit.
A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.
A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.
Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.
While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.
We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.
I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
Bf: What do you think about our love?
Gf: Count the stars in the sky.
Bf: Aww, it's infinity.
Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said, "but the world is round."
I said, babe, you are my world.
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
Sex is like math.
You add a bed.
Subtract the clothes.
Divide the legs.
And pray you don’t multiply.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?
"I'd hit that."
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."
The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."
My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.