Relationship jokes
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.
A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
Therapist: So what brought you here today?
Wife: He's too literal.
Therapist: And you, sir?
Husband: My truck.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
Bf: What do you think about our love?
Gf: Count the stars in the sky.
Bf: Aww, it's infinity.
Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.
I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
Sex is like math.
You add a bed.
Subtract the clothes.
Divide the legs.
And pray you don’t multiply.
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.
While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.
We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?
Both of them are just full of shit.
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said, "but the world is round."
I said, babe, you are my world.
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.