Relationship jokes
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.
A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?
Both of them are just full of shit.
My girlfriend and I:
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said, "but the world is round."
I said, babe, you are my world.
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
Sex is like math.
You add a bed.
Subtract the clothes.
Divide the legs.
And pray you don’t multiply.
What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?
"I'd hit that."
Bf: What do you think about our love?
Gf: Count the stars in the sky.
Bf: Aww, it's infinity.
Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.
I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."
The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
Therapist: So what brought you here today?
Wife: He's too literal.
Therapist: And you, sir?
Husband: My truck.