A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently “in HD” wasn’t a good answer.



“How is your long distance relationship going?” – “So far, so good.”




I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It’s very rewarding, but quite challenging. – Took me ages to get her husband’s voice right.



  1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

  2. Oh you’re talking to me, I thought you only talked behind my back.

  3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.




You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end




A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said “I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we’re there, I’d also like to take our relationship to the next level.” “I’m there” the boy replied. The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked “do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?” the boy replied " “I plan on getting busy all weekend. I’m not gonna stop pounding her till I’m black and blue. Give me the family pack.” “Sure thing” said the pharmacist. That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. the girls father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, “you never told me that you were so religious” the boy replied, “You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist”



Billy: I’m so use to having you in bed with me, I don’t know if I’m ready for this long distance relationship

Sally: Ohh, don’t worry brother, I’ll just be right down the hall…


Sad and lonely

If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me…



if my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship i would never be able to play my phone




Whats the worst part of a down syndrom relationship? Theres more downs then ups!



Popcorn means Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany. HO means a woman, in particular one who has many casual fricking encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based frick chamber in a nazi camp.


Marli Harris

what is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut? they are always so distant:-]


Agent Chipmunk

Attention- Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? Its strang because they havent said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret…(I guess) Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD I just thought further into life with their relationship DON’T DO THAT. Agent Chipmunk Out



Papi Longstroke

i once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, “theyre all dead hookers ince theyre in the trunk.”



Popcorn means Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany. HO means a woman, in particular one who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based sex encountered a lot in a nazi camp.


bi girl

Me and my brother talking about relationships Me: We live kind of differently Brother: We’re sort of alike Me: We’re not alike Brother because he’s taken: cause you don’t have boyfriend! My thoughts: You’re right. Cause I have a girlfriend!



Gutted rn…the girl I loved hard just got in a relationship. She liked me too so I missed the chance. Idk if she still does…man…



prince/mr tallie

who thinks that prince should just avoid qwen are just continue the relationship


Gwen's friend

Tj if u don’t stop trying to ruin Gwen and Prince relationship then I will screem!!! It some dumb faker and what point of she just wants to be ur friend do not understand!



the only problem being short and gay is that when ever i try to tell people im top in my relationship they don’t believe me because im shorter then the person im dating like wtf