This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said "but the world is round"
I said, babe you are my world.
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
Sex is like math
You add a bed 🛌
Subtract the clothesđź‘šđź‘•đź‘–đź‘™
Divide the legs🪢
And pray you don’t multiply 👨‍❤️‍👨👩‍❤️‍👨👩‍❤️‍👩
Bf:what do you think about our love?
Gf:count the stars in the sky
Bf:aww its infinity
Gf:nope just a waste of time
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard
What do you call it when a person with downsyndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
me: *gets down on one knee*
girlfriend: omg, it's finally happening
me: *falls over*
girlfriend: the poison is kicking in
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
"Hey, today was great."
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car."
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy" to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, i'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the fucking autopsy!”
They'll never do reverse cowgirl because you never turn your back on family
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
