“How is your long distance relationship going?” – “So far, so good.”

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It’s very rewarding, but quite challenging. – Took me ages to get her husband’s voice right.

A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently “in HD” wasn’t a good answer.

Billy: I’m so use to having you in bed with me, I don’t know if I’m ready for this long distance relationship

Sally: Ohh, don’t worry brother, I’ll just be right down the hall…

You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end

  1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

  2. Oh you’re talking to me, I thought you only talked behind my back.

  3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me…

what is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut? they are always so distant:-]

Me and my brother talking about relationships Me: We live kind of differently Brother: We’re sort of alike Me: We’re not alike Brother because he’s taken: cause you don’t have boyfriend! My thoughts: You’re right. Cause I have a girlfriend!

i once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, “theyre all dead hookers ince theyre in the trunk.”

Whats the worst part of a down syndrom relationship? Theres more downs then ups!

the only problem being short and gay is that when ever i try to tell people im top in my relationship they don’t believe me because im shorter then the person im dating like wtf

I was in a toxic relationship . After some time my girlfriend died, her name was happy . Still got no clue of her body and here i am lying on the bed so fucking happy.

When your friend gets involved with someone it affects the friendship when ever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend ,we should say I looked like the person you used to know but I’ve been modified to survive in this relationship if we have an argument and she’s there I might disagree with you I’d rather countinue to see her naked.

what do u call skeletons having sex when the relationship is dead but ur still fucking

I have a trans friend. He is in a polymers relationship and would be straight if they had a dick

Yo mama got a daughter in a relationship and I don’t have time for you asap daughter daughter or your mother or your call or your choice of choice

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