Milk Jokes

YupIAteYourCakeAllToMe

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."

Anonymous
in Cow

What do you get from a dwarf cow?

Condensed milk

9
Ur MoM;)
in Orphan

Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted.

Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.

I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.

Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.

What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.

Next: Inappropriate Jokes

What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.

What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms

What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.

Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin

Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.

Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.

Pickle Rick

You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

2
Xzavier
in Little Johnny

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says “hey dad! Whatcha doin?” His father says “I’m filling your moms tank” Johnny says, “oh yeah well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because th milk man filled her up this morning.”

Anonymous
in Orphan

y do orphans eat cereal with water

there dad did not come back with the milk

Anonymous

what do you call milk that gets everything she wants?

spoiled milk

Anonymous

Child: *drinking milk*

Farmer: hey, what are you doing?

Child: oh I just milked one of your cows

Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls

Child: *realizes*

Anonymous

Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk

2
Anonymous
in Animal

Where animal does Russian milk come from?

moscows

Anonymous

What do you get when a cow doesn't give anymore milk?

A milk dud 😂

Anonymous
in Animal

Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.

0
Kiddyfiddler
in Offensive

What do milk and make a wish kids have in common , they both have expire dates.

CDR
in Cow

Here's a better version of a previous joke:

I would tell you a milk joke, but its whey too cheesy!

Georgia
in Cow

whats the hardest part when making skimmed milk? throwing the cow across the lake

Anonymous
in Animal

What kind of Bees make milk?

BooBees

Anonymous
in Cow

want to hear a joke a bout milk.............. no it's to cheesey.

1
Anonymous
in Cow

I had problems milking my cow one morning. It was an udder failure.

4
DJTDM
in Orphan

Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!

Insert Name Here
in Dark Humor

i have a stepladder. my real ladder left for milk and never came back.