Girlfriend

Girlfriend Jokes

Peace

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

Sex

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

Living Room

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

Woman

My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

Jail

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

Relationship

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."

Breakup

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

Parking spot

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

Poem

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

Difference

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

Plane

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

Sex

My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.

Lip

My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.

Miscarriage

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

Video Game

My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

Mop

What is the difference between a broom and a mop?

It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.