My girlfriend called me pedophile today.
Big word for a 12-year-old.
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."
"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
