If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...
I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.
Richard: Mom, someone called me gay.
Richard's mom: Why didn't you slap him across his face?
Richard: No, I couldn't.
Richard's mom: Why?
Richard: Because he was cute.
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
What do girls and rocks have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.
Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?
Best friend: Dude, your sister is hot, I'd hit that.
Me: Already did. SWEET HOME ALABAMA
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.
Are you Wi-Fi? Because I think I am finding a connection.
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...
