My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy.
My ex boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
What do you call you're daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance
Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly?
Boyfriend: your both!
Girlfriend: what do you mean by that?
Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
So a girl says to her ex I can't get you out of my mind the boyfriend I knew you we've the girl replies I see you in everything like when I'm walking down the street even at work like trash cans are everywhere
I got mad at my sister's boyfriend so I fucked his girl
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. what a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
My bff asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?" I said: "Why?" My bff says: "Well its because he was already cheating." I said: "KNEW IT!"
What is a boyfriend
What is the difference between a human and a magic house!?a magic house 🏡 can fly and a human can walk
how many times do you nut? it depends how hard you do it.
A hill billy female has to decide if she would save her brother or her boyfriend. She chose both because her brother is her boyfriend.
I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said ,”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately...”
babe it's over
AFTER ALL I DONE FOR YOU WOW I CHEATED ON YOU WITH YOUR SISTER ANYWAY
I meant the movie...
Why won't my boyfriend eat my pie? His brother made it.
Knock knock, who's their? Europe, Europe who? No i'm not
Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply "Nothing, nothing! we're just uh, making cake" and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells "Get out! were making cake!" So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!" and she replies "OMG! Howd you know!?!?" and Johnny replies "Because, I licked the icing off the couch" ayyyyyy.
My crush: OMG my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness I am so sorry I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well I have a dog
