Dad

help

Daughter: Dad

Dad: Yes honey

Daughter: Im Lesbian

Dad: Ok

Daughter 2: Dad

Dad: Yes?

Daughter 2: Im lesbian too

Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here

Son: I do…

Kid

WOW

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied:

“Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!”

Puns

Anonymous

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? – “Bison.”

Cry

cripple

my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.

Wife

Anonymous

“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father.

“It means ‘happy’,” replied the father.

“Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?”

“No, son, I have a wife.”

Jack

Anonymous

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son

Dad

Connor

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway

Adoption

LABAN

Father: “Son, you were adopted.”

Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”

Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

Puns

Overwatch_Gamer321

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

Grandpa

Anonymous

“Son, I found a condom in your room.”

“Gee, thanks, Grandpa!”

“Why are you calling me Grandpa?”

“Because I couldn’t find it yesterday.”

Wife

Boi

A husband and a wife have four children the oldest three are tall with blonde hair, the youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said “honey, can you be completely honest with me, is our youngest son mine?” The wife says “I swear to all that is holy he is your son.” Then the husband died and the wife muttered, “thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”

Sister

Hes Here

So Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC’s so he goes home and ask his mom who’s cooking “Whats the first letter of the ABC’s?” he ask and his mom responds with “SHUT UP… I’M COOKING!” so then he walks to sister who’s signing in the shower and asks her “Whats the 2nd letter of the ABC’s?” she responds with “I’m ready to go I’m ready to go!” then he walks over to his brother who’s watching batman and asks “Whats the 3rd letter of the ABC’s” and his brother responds with “nu nu nu nu batman” then he proceeds to walk to his dad who’s watching football and ask “Dad whats the 4th letter of the ABC’s?” and he responds with “95 HIT EM HARD!” then he walks to his grandma who’s cooking buns and ask her “Whats the 5th letter of the ABC’s?” and she responds with “MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!” then he Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day and the teacher says to her class “Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC’s” Johnny of course raises his hand and the teacher calls on him then he says “SHUT UP I’M COOKING!” then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says “Young man are you ready to go to the principals office?” then he proceeds to say “I’m ready to go I’m ready to go!” and he walks to the principals office then she says “What’s you’re name son?” he responds with “Nu nu nu nu batman!” then the principal ask “How many spanken’s boy?!” he responds with “95 HIT EM HARD” and after that he runs out of the principal’s office well yelling “MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!”

Sister

Anonymous

So there’s this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says “I’ve got an idea!”, and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says "What should their names be?" The uncle replies “Well for your daughter, Denise” “That’s a nice name” comments the mother, “but what about my son?” The uncle simply replies “Denephew”.

High

Daddy Jack

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana, Jack got high pulled down his fly and ask if she wanna, Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and had a little fun, stupid Jill forgot the pill now they have a son

Dad

Aiden

Son:DAD DAD OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!

Dad:WHATS WRONG ARE YOU OK?!

SOn:MIA ASKED ME OUT ON A DATE ON FEBRUARY 30th

Dad:Cas theres no february 30th?

Sister

Anonymous

Son: Dad, why did name my sister Paris? Dad: Because she was made there. Son: Thanks, Dad. Dad: You’re welcome, Backseat.

Wife

Anonymous

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. “Long day?” the bartender asks. “Well… My oldest son just came out…” The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. “What now?” the bartender asks. “My middle son just came out.” The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. “Again?” the bartender asks. “Yeah. My youngest son.” He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. “My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??” the bartender asks. “Yeah… My wife.”

Depression

Anonymous

An obese depressed mother is trying to tie a noose but can’t reach it so she calls her son for help a few minutes later son: there mother: where did you learn to tie such a good noose? son: dad showed me before he died mother: DAM HIM TO HE- slips and noose chokes her to death

Dad

Anonymous

Son: Hey Dad, what’s an alcoholic?

Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would we 8.

Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.

Man

Anonymous

What happened to the blind man’s son. He thought he was hitting a pinyata.

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