I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, “Momma, why is my name Rose?” The mommy cow replies, “Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born.” The next calf comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Lily?” The mother replies, “Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born.” The third baby comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Daisy?” The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, “Huh Ruh Buh Duh!” The momma cow says, “Shut up, Cinderblock!”

Roses are red,my name is Dan,I have a gun,GET IN THE VAN!

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. “Jesus is watching you.” The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. “Jesus is watching you.” Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, “Jesus is watching you.” The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, “Are you the one who’s been talking to me?” The parrot responds, “Yes.” The thief couldn’t believe it. So, he asks another question. “What is your name?” “Ismael.” the parrot replies. The man scoffed. “What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?” The parrot speaks yet again, “The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus.”

So there’s this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says “I’ve got an idea!”, and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says "What should their names be?" The uncle replies “Well for your daughter, Denise” “That’s a nice name” comments the mother, “but what about my son?” The uncle simply replies “Denephew”.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jills candy But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jills real name is Randy

There once was a street named Chuck Norris-They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, " What is a tragedy?" One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, “if my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy.” Bill Clinton replies, “That would be an accident, not a tragedy.” A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, “If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy.” Bill Clinton replies once again with: “That would be a great loss, not a tragedy.” All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says “If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!” “Yes!” Says Bill Clinton “How do you know?” Matthew says happily, “It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!”

  1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

  2. Oh you’re talking to me, I thought you only talked behind my back.

  3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

I’m funny but sad I submit jokes you’ll love. Look for my name in jokes you’ve read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding he didn’t have the chance to open the gifts.

I named my dog 5 miles so when I walk him I can say I walked 5 miles random guy: I ran over 5 miles

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

A kid walks in late to class, the teacher asks him “why are you late?” and he replies “I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake” Another kid walks in late to class and the teacher asks him “why are you late” and he replies “I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake”, The last kid walks in and the teacher says “why are you late?..and why are you wet?” and the kid says back REMEBER MY NAME IS PEBBLES!!

you

An unfortunate accident happend at the nestlè factory,a man nammed joe was seriously injourd because a box of choclates fell on him. Every time he said “The choclates are on me!” every one cheerid.

Thank you for reading if you use this on another catagory please give me credit by saying my name at the end. P.s my name is None of your buissnes. Seriously.

Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I’m Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It’s urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)?as involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I’m Saw Lee (Sorry).

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

So Santa fell down the chimney but it was a lit chimney…his names no longer Santa. It’s crisp cringle. Pls send help :).

So a man asked another man what’s your name and he says what’s it to ya. So the guy asked agoim and he says what’s it to ya. Come to find out his name was what’s it to ya

Why did Helen Kellers dog run away, you’d run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj

A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please.’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’

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