My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.

Onions was a good dog.

What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

10 Fun Facts

1. You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can’t count your hair.
3. You can’t breath through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number 3.
5. When you did number 3, you realized it’s possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You’re smiling right now because you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5.
9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

Q: how do you know when an asian broke into your house?

A: you can´t find your dog.

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?

It had a ruff night. 😂

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she

Why don’t blind people skydive? – Because it scares their dogs too much!

Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.

Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea

A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in Because the people came back for their dog

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.

Why did Helen Kellers dog run away, you’d run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj

I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn’t know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said ,”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately…”

Why did the dog 🐕 join the marching band?

Because he had his trum-bone.

How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished.

The dog lead went slack

A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.

It was a shitzu

There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said “i farted and the building behind me blew up”.