The 500+ Best Dog Jokes

10 Fun Facts 1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breath through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 6. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 7. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 8. You skipped number 5. 9. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 10. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.

Onions was a good dog.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador

A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.

It was a shitzu

Why did the dog 🐕 join the marching band?

Because he had his trum-bone.

I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.

Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?

It had a ruff night. 😂

What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

What do you call a dog 🐶 that tells time?

A watchdog.

Why don't blind people skydive? -- Because it scares their dogs too much!

A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.

What is a bald eagle's favorite dog breed?

A beagle!

I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said ,”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately...”