Dog Jokes

Cael J.

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

2
Anonymous

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.

Onions was a good dog.

Kit-Kat
in Step

10 Fun Facts

  1. You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
  2. You can’t count your hair.
  3. You can’t breath through your nose with your tongue out.
  4. You just tried number 3.
  5. When you did number 3, you realized it’s possible, only you look like a dog.
  6. You’re smiling right now because you were fooled.
  7. You skipped number 5.
  8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5.
  9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)
Person

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

9
Anonymous

What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

Ramen N00dles

Q: how do you know when an asian broke into your house?

A: you can´t find your dog.

2
puppy
in Puns

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

Anonymous

Why don’t blind people skydive? – Because it scares their dogs too much!

0
Anonymous
in Orphan

A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in Because the people came back for their dog

3
Ismael Brito

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she

4
Matt

Why did Helen Kellers dog run away, you’d run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj

3
Anonymous
in Depression

Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea

4
Anonymous
in Animal

Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.

0
Anonymous
in Animal

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.

4
Anon ymous
in Puns

A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.

It was a shitzu

7
Anonymous
in Bald Eagle

What is a bald eagle’s favorite dog breed?

A beagle!

Anonymous

What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador

2
Foreshadow011
in Death

I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn’t know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said ,”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately…”

9
Anonymous
in Sadness

I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions

   Onions was a good dog
Anonymous
in Sadness

what do you call a dog with no legs?

It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.

1