My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
10 Fun Facts 1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breath through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 6. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 7. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 8. You skipped number 5. 9. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 10. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."
Q: how do you know when an asian broke into your house?
A: you can ́t find your dog.
A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.
It was a shitzu
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.
Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she
What is a bald eagle's favorite dog breed?
A beagle!
Why did Helen Kellers dog run away, you'd run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj
I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions
Onions was a good dog
Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick so then we'll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again". His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
Why did the dog 🐕 join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
Why don't blind people skydive? -- Because it scares their dogs too much!
Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?
It had a ruff night. 😂
what do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it. It ain't coming.