10 Fun Facts.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)
My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions, which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?
It had a ruff night. 😂
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.
What is a bald eagle's favorite dog breed?
A beagle!
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
Person: Where do I commit suicide?
Dog: Roof.
Person: Good idea.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
What time is it when dogs get hurt?
Time to take your dog to the vet!
