Girlfriend

Person

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

Wife

Anonymous

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.

Onions was a good dog.

Legs

Anonymous

What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

Number

Kit-Kat

10 Fun Facts

  1. You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
  2. You can’t count your hair.
  3. You can’t breath through your nose with your tongue out.
  4. You just tried number 3.
  5. When you did number 3, you realized it’s possible, only you look like a dog.
  6. You’re smiling right now because you were fooled.
  7. You skipped number 5.
  8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5.
  9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

People

Cael J.

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

Find

Ramen N00dles

Q: how do you know when an asian broke into your house?

A: you can´t find your dog.

Puns

puppy

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

Night

Daniel King

Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?

It had a ruff night. 😂

Helen

Ismael Brito

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she

People

Anonymous

Why don’t blind people skydive? – Because it scares their dogs too much!

Animal

Anonymous

Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.

Depression

Anonymous

Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea

Orphan

Anonymous

A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in Because the people came back for their dog

Legs

Anonymous

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.

Name

Matt

Why did Helen Kellers dog run away, you’d run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj

Depression

Foreshadow011

I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn’t know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said ,”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately…”

Bone

Daniel King

Why did the dog 🐕 join the marching band?

Because he had his trum-bone.

Personal

Anonymous

How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished.

The dog lead went slack

Puns

Anon ymous

A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.

It was a shitzu

Girl

MR MOM

There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said “i farted and the building behind me blew up”.

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