Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
U Can't Touch Kids
Let’s play carpenter. First we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
What do you call a Frozen communist? Hammer and Pop sicle
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one. But I also think I screwed it up.
Would love to pound Sterling with a 14lb hammer.
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?, screw you
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
grandfathers last words :Stop shaking the ladder you cunt Grandmother last words : you know how to use that hammer Dads last words : Always aim before you shoot that gun Moms last words :Turn of the stove when you're done My last thought : am I a murder
Ill never forget my mother last words. What's are doing with that sledge hammer
Some dude called me a tool
So later I got hammered and nailed his gf.
Guess he was right :/
credit to funnydude from laugh factory website lol
Hot shingles in your neighbourhood wanting to get nailed.
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground. Terrified, he dials 911 and says “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead. The hunter replies, “Ok I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks “Anything else?” The nurse says “Nope. That’s it.”
[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:.... god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Pro tip: how to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make you child hold the nail.
What’s an emo kids favorite wood working tool? A chop saw!
Why are carpenters never horny after work? Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
