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I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”

Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”

what is the difference between a baby and a watermelon, one smashes open when you hit it with a sledge hammer and the other is a water melon

What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon

Last time i talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.

You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one. But I also think I screwed it up.

grandfathers last words :Stop shaking the ladder you cunt Grandmother last words : you know how to use that hammer Dads last words : Always aim before you shoot that gun Moms last words :Turn of the stove when you’re done My last thought : am I a murder

Ill never forget my mother last words. What’s are doing with that sledge hammer

What do you call a Frozen communist? Hammer and Pop sicle

Whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.



[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:… god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.

The f... am I even doing here.

It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer;)