What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.
Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
