Difference jokes
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker? Hookers come back.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)