Girlfriend jokes

What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?

A miscarriage.

What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?

Her miscarriage.

I went fishing while watching porn, and my girlfriend said, "Well, you want my fish?" and I said, "But you're not in the water."

I told my wife she was lousy in bed.

She replied, "I guess you have been seeing your ex-girlfriend, uh?"

What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?

That’s assault!

How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?

A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.

The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.

When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"

She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.

The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"

She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."

The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"

My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.

Now she's having a breakfast.

What did the boy goat say to his girlfriend?

You're my boo!

Why did Zayn Malik get his girlfriend to convert to Islam? So she can declare GiGIHADid.

Son: Dad, can I get a girlfriend?

Dad: Son, no, you are only 10, so no.

Son: Dad, I'm leaving to get a girlfriend.

Dad: Son, nooo, you are not my son!

Son: What did you say? *Son slaps the dad.*

Dad: Good, son, goodbye, get out of my home.

Son: Good, you can go move to a new home.

I once had a trash can as a girlfriend.

I was ready to break up with her, but all she had to say was, "Please don't dump me!" Then I said, "Sorry, I'm ready to take out the trash."

What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?

They both break your heart.

When is the best time to punch a midget in the face?

When he’s standing next to your girlfriend and says your hair smells nice.

Q: What did Tim say when his girlfriend fell down a rabbit hole?

A: Hole-y shit!

Hi, I'm new here and I'm 11. I'm just bored and want a girlfriend.

Does anyone have Snapchat or Twitter? I can show you what I look like ;)

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?

There is no difference.

I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.

What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?

I want your booty!

Depression, I got it.

A girlfriend, don't got it.

A life, don't got it.

Help, got it.

Friends, don't got it.

Family, I got it.

Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!