Girlfriend jokes
Ex-girlfriend: "I can smell fish."
Ex-boyfriend: "I can smell shit."
Ex-boyfriend: "Well, how many boys swam down there?"
Ex-girlfriend: "20!"
Fish: "It wasn't me. I don't swim around mistakes."
I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.
What's the best thing about an orphan GF?
You don't have to meet her parents.
I had a girlfriend who was a below-the-knee amputee. We broke up because she just couldn't keep her legs closed.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.
I told her to keep her chins up.
I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.
Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.
If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."
My Asian girlfriend has a weird name. As I gave her anal, she was yelling "I'm too young."
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material.
When your girlfriend tells you she's a guy: "What, bitch? Naw, hell no!"
Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."
Q: What did Tim say when his girlfriend fell down a rabbit hole?
A: Hole-y shit!