*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
Sex is like math.
Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
Like if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband, or wife, or a crush.
Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸
What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, NO MORE!
like if u wana hve sex
I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.
Are you depression? 'Cause you're always on my mind~
Cousins on the streets means lovers in the sheets. 😂👀
I went on a walk last night with a really hot girl. Then she noticed me, and we went for a run.
Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?
Bf: What do you think about our love?
Gf: Count the stars in the sky.
Bf: Aww, it's infinity.
Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.
How did Stephen Hawking please his woman? He uses a hard drive.
Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:
Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)
I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.
