I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"
Genie: "Wish granted!"
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they can get a better grip on their broom.
Instead of Edward Scissorhands, I’m Edwardscissor wrists.
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"
It's all fun and games until someone fails at becoming Superman.
What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?
Fetus Deletus!
Them: You want some Lucky Harms?
Me: What are Lucky Harms?
Them: They're Lucky Charms, but instead of being magically delicious, they're magically malicious.
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
Guess what song this is from:
"I'll cut you into little bitty pieces,
Or freeze you till your blood runs cold,
Or stab your till' you heart stops pumping.
I'm here to realize your wish from what I'm told."
Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman? Oh, just me... OK.
If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?
Haaaaaaay!
Why don’t witches wear underwear?
To get a better grip on their broom.
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Running, JK rolling!
What did the lesbian vampire say to the heterosexual woman after the lesbian vampire was done licking the pussy of the heterosexual woman?
"When is your next blood period?"
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
Why did the woman want a boyfriend at least 2 🦶 taller?
So she could feel like a little girl and fulfill her rape fantasy.
Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?
