Aed jokes
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?
Chuck Norris is a genius for this: Walker Texas Ranger = Wrangler Karate Sex.
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀
Pop a choccy milk!
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Picasshole.
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
What do you call a peso?
A wetback greenback.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
What do you call a booty that can do magic?
A butt trick!
What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?
Memorial Day.
Why?
Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.
My face when “Free Palestine” wasn’t a sales deal.
What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?
Your camera.
What happens when a Jewish guy walks into a wall with a full erection?
He breaks his nose.
What do you call a terrorist in a bath?
A bath bomb.