Baby jokes
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Why did little Susie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms or legs.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Susie.
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!
What's the hardest part of running through a field of dead babies?
My boner.
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?
Fetus Deletus!
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.