I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
Baby Jokes
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?
Fetus Deletus!
What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan?
One baby in three trashcans.
How did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?
I don’t put fruit in a blender.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.