Baby Jokes

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."

There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

About 140 calories.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.

Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."

Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.

What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan?

One baby in three trashcans.

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.

Teenager: OMG, I’m prego, my moms gonna kill me Baby: Lmao, same

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: "Well...We're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny's father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" HIs father is confused. "What do you mean?" He asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home. She realizes she's pregnant, and has a baby boy.

The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.

The third year, she's feelling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father1"

Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" His mother replies, "The stork brings them." Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"