Baby jokes
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato? About 140 calories.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan?
One baby in three trashcans.
What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies? I don’t put fruit in a blender.
How did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.
Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭
What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies? Fetus Deletus!
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor? You nail its other hand to the floor.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher? An erection.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.