I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
The number 13? Not on my watch
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearimg them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way it made the funeral a bit awkward.
Why do you have to watch your back at NASA? They want to probe Uranus.
How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert??
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch
You watch 50 shades of gray, and you turn gray in bed.
What time is it when it turns 13 O clock?
Time to get a new watch
roses are red violets are blue if you ever feel alone i'm always watching you
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the cheshire cat.
how to make time fly
answer throw a clock out of the window
Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus
what did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom? WATCH OUT!!!
if a toy from toy story died, the kid wouldn't know and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse
I was going to buy a watch today but I didn't have time
I tried to find my watch I lost last week but I didn't have the time
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said "I wanna watch"
