Simone

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Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama? A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes, they're so family friendly.

If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?

It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language. Weird. Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.

Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion? A. May your baby rest in pieces.