Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.

Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet.

He scares the shit out of it.

Chuck Norris was a kamikaze pilot. 12 times.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.

Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.

A cobra once bit Chuck Norris. After hours of agonising pain… it died.

Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you’ve ever tasted.

“Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?” – “All of them.”

Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It’s not dead or anything, it’s just too scared to nove

Chuck Norris has been to Mars…that’s why there is no signs of life there.

If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the Movie 300, the movie would be called 1.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

There once was a street named Chuck Norris-They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s Secret.

Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. – Against Medusa.

Chuck Norris one shot down a German fighter plane- by pointing his finger at it and yelling “bang!”

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience…

When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.

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