Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.

Chuck Norris has been to Mars…that’s why there is no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet.

He scares the shit out of it.

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you’ve ever tasted.

Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.

Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.

Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.

There once was a street named Chuck Norris-They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.

Chuck Norris was a kamikaze pilot. 12 times.

Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It’s not dead or anything, it’s just too scared to nove

“Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?” – “All of them.”

Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. – Against Medusa.

A cobra once bit Chuck Norris. After hours of agonising pain… it died.

If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the Movie 300, the movie would be called 1.

Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet. The loser had to wear their underwear on their pants.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s Secret.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris one shot down a German fighter plane- by pointing his finger at it and yelling “bang!”