Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."

Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.

The Lego broke in half.

Chuck Norris gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop gets a ticket.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.

Chuck Norris and Time had a race.

Result: Time is still running...

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.

Chuck Norris one-shot down a German fighter plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling "bang!"

God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."

The day after Chuck Norris was born, he drove his mom home from the hospital.

Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.

Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.

Chuck Norris used to be an orphan.

Because some families were too scared of his bravery to adopt him.

Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he's pushing the Earth down.

Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.