Aed jokes

Pickup line: Are you the internet? 'Cause I feel a connection.

When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"

I work at a bank and an old woman asked me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"

Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.

Scientist time travels into the year 2024.

Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?

Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?

You might find this joke a rib-tickler, but I sure do.

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

What's bad? A nut allergy.

Have a great day today!

Why can’t orphans order from Costa?

They need a parent or guardian with them.

I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...

If an orphan were to get a takeaway, what’s the home address?

What goes up but never past the digits 15?

A Make-A-Wish kid...

Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!

What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?

I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.

What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?

McBongald's.

If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.

My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.

What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.