Aed jokes
I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Harry Potter
Dobby: "Dobby never meant to kill, Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure!"
Jumanji
Coach Webb: "Ok, there's a lot wrong with that."
Why did the boy ask a question to the girl?
Wanna hear a pun?
Welp, I'll punch you with one!
So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.
What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?
Your nan's a GILF!
What do you call a bad joke?
A bad Noah!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
Pickup line: Are you the internet? 'Cause I feel a connection.
What's the difference between 5 cocks and a joke? I can't take a joke.
What do you call a train that stalls?
The little engine that couldn't!
My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!
Why does a cow love music?
Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.
Why can't orphans sign up for sports?
They have to have a parent's signature.
A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"
What kind of star will come out in the daytime?
A starfish! 🐟🐠🐡🦐🦞🦀🦑🐙🦂
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?
Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.