If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there’s only… 13 of you?" Jesus: “Yeah, we’re all going to sit on the same side.”
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” “Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”
“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender, “Would you like a drink?” “No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.
“You see,” laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.
Now, how about that drink?"
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers? Me: No, but i`ll arm wrestle you for the bill.
My girlfriend is 19 and I’m 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.
It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, No atmosphere.
Man asking waitress, " Pardon me miss may I ask you about the menu please?" Waitress, “It’s none of your business about the men I please!”
What is a cannibal’s favorite restaurant?
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? SPARERIBS
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: super cauliflower, eggs but cheese was quite atrocious. (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)
Jeffrey dahmer was eating at 5 guys before it was a restaurant
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ¨Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!¨ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ¨Yes sir!¨ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ¨Forks and knives, forks and knives!¨ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ¨Goody-goody gumdrops!¨ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You´re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!
Can Orphans go to a Family Restaurant?
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Bear Grylls is a restaurant.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn’t want to see the bill.
*I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast any time” so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.― Steven Wright