Aed jokes
I am so cool that even the fridge or a snowman would shiver his timbers when they see me :).
What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
R.I.P. on a tombstone normally means "Rest In Peace"; however, in Madeleine McCann's case, it means "Raped In Portugal".
What does Bugs Bunny say when he has a boner?
"What's up, cock?"
What does Bugs Bunny say when he has a boner?
"What's up, cock?"
A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?
The driving instructor.
If being near immortal was a normal thing i bet wanting to die wouuld've been too
Really feeling suicidal is basically having a mental breakdown, but realizing you have nothing nice and sharp to use
Life with depression is like a cheeseburger.
It's not good without the cheese.
When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:
"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 😅😀"
Would a depressed person enjoy a cat scratch? After all, it's a free slice.
Is skin picking self-harm?
Cause I'm red all over without a razor.
DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:
* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck
The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.
An electrician walks into a green house. He sees a red room. He wonders why it's red because Kurt Cobain and his shotgun were sitting there.
A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?
A woman.
Why is the fat man roping himself to the side of a mountain?
So he doesn't roll back down!
What do a man and a blonde do in bed?
Sleep!
The Hodja purchased a piece of meat at the market, and on his way home he met a friend.
Seeing the Hodja's purchase, the friend told him an excellent recipe for stew.
"I'll forget it for sure," said the Hodja. "Write it on a piece of paper for me."
The friend obliged him, and the Hodja continued on his way, the piece of meat in one hand and the recipe in the other. He had not walked far when suddenly a large hawk swooped down from the sky, snatched the meat, and flew away with it.
"It will do you no good!" shouted the Hodja after the disappearing hawk. "I still have the recipe!"
Dschoha's wife was accustomed to go out at night to meet her lover, which caused the neighbors to tease Dschoha. Thus, one night he stayed awake until she left, then locked the door and sat down just inside.
Upon returning, she found the door locked. She asked him to have mercy on her and to open the door, but he just scolded her.
Having given up hope for a good outcome, she said to him, "If you don't open the door for me, I'll jump into the well."
Then she picked up a large stone and threw it into the well. Filled with regret, he ran outside to see what had happened. His wife immediately slipped into the house and locked the door.
He made every effort to convince her to let him come inside, but she scolded him incessantly, saying, "This is what you get for staying out all night with your drunken friends!" And thus she succeeded in shaming him in the presence of all their neighbors.