I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.

What's the best way to prank your blind girlfriend?

Fill her closet with see through clothes.

One day at school I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.

The next day at school I made fun of an orphan.

Your momma so stupid she farted and turned the radio on to cover up the smell.

If your uncle Jack needed help getting off of a horse, would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?

Stacy:: honey I'm kinda new to texting what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, lots of love I guess

Margert: Stacy are you there, I don't know if you heard but Amber and her 3 kids were killed in a car crash this morning I'm in total shock

Stacy: lol

I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner but it sucks.

My girlfriend is so stupid she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying a a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

Like if you think Joel was a hero for saving Ellie instead of saving the world.

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and i asked him "why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time i perform people tell me I need new material."

What do you call 3 orphan girls in a tornado?

All of her twist.

I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.

Why can't orphans really play baseball?

Because when they do all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.

9 months later they happily had some use for their baby carriage.

2 years later they went up again then their daughter had a brother.

But 1 little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother..

Lesson in laziness number 136894236842, don't be too lazy to read large numbers.

What did the acute triangle say to the obtuse triangle?

Nothing, triangles can't talk.