Intimacy

Intimacy Jokes

Sex

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That's the best I've done so far.

Blowjob

What does a glory hole and a confessional booth have in common?

A blowjob is anonymous.

Sexual Relationship

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

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  • Memes

    Sex

    Sex is like math.

    You add a bed.

    Subtract the clothes.

    Divide the legs.

    And pray you don’t multiply.

    Murder

    Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.

    Incest

    Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.

    But she has to. She's his mom.

    Dick

    I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.

    As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."

    Sex

    My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.

    Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”

    That's the best I've done so far.

    Penis

    Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."

    Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."

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  • Doctor

    A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."

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  • Sex

    What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

    Honey, I'm home!

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  • Sex

    What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?

    You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.

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  • Toy

    I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.

    Anal Sex

    What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.

    Paycheck

    What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?

    You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.

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  • Smoking

    What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

    Stop and apply lubrication.

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