Monkey

Monkey Jokes

Human

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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  • Bed

    Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

    One fell off and bumped his head.

    The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

    “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

    Human

    What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.

    Man

    A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."

    Zookeeper

    Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!

    Michael Jackson

    Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park in his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.

    Banana

    Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

    This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.

    Fish

    One day a cow ate a fish.

    What came out the other side?

    A dead fish.

    Mom

    I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

    Adam

    Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!

    Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!

    Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)

    Banana

    Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

    I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

    Banana

    It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

    I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

    School

    I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.

    Programming

    If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

    The rest of them will write Perl programs.