Monkey Jokes

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

Did you hear about the monkeys that share a amazon account?They where prime mates

A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas

What does 2016 and 2020 have in common? A monkey caused worldwide outrage.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."

What do humans and monkeys have in common… they both hang from trees

Monkey Man's mortuary you stab 'em we slab 'em

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and whent up to her mom and asked "mom I have hair on my privates,what is it?" "OH honey thats your monkey." The mom says So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says "my monkey has hair on it" so the sister replies with a laugh "you think thats cool my monkey is already eating bananas

What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account prime mates

Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.

5 five little monkeys jumping on a bed

One fell of and bumped his head mamma called Walmart and walmart said

We will give you a replacement

A woman walks onto the Bus with his child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

The rest of them will write Perl programs.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

News: ook! says an interviewed monkey

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

One day a cow ate a fish

what came out the other side?

A dead fish.