Monkey Jokes

Anonymous
in Animal

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

5
Anonymous
in Anti-jokes

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

Laura Janke
in Puns

Did you hear about the monkeys that share a amazon account?They where prime mates

Jesse

A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas

Anonymous

What does 2016 and 2020 have in common? A monkey caused worldwide outrage.

aye
in Baby

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

4
joel
in Puns

A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."

Anonymous
in Depression

What do humans and monkeys have in common… they both hang from trees

Anonymous

Monkey Man's mortuary you stab 'em we slab 'em

Kncw
in Little Johnny

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and whent up to her mom and asked "mom I have hair on my privates,what is it?" "OH honey thats your monkey." The mom says So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says "my monkey has hair on it" so the sister replies with a laugh "you think thats cool my monkey is already eating bananas

Anonymous
in Puns

What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account prime mates

IT'S ME REEEEEEE

Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.

Anonymous
in Fell

5 five little monkeys jumping on a bed

One fell of and bumped his head mamma called Walmart and walmart said

We will give you a replacement

ILOVEYOMAMA
in Baby

A woman walks onto the Bus with his child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"

Anonymous
in Programming

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

The rest of them will write Perl programs.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

ALIBAAAAA

One day a cow ate a fish

what came out the other side?

A dead fish.