Monkey jokes
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...
“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
What does 2016 and 2020 have in common?
A monkey caused worldwide outrage.
Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.
Memes
It's ALWAYS like this
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park in his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
One day a cow ate a fish.
What came out the other side?
A dead fish.
What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon.
I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!