Monkey jokes

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.

What does 2016 and 2020 have in common?

A monkey caused worldwide outrage.

Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!

Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.

What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?

Flatman and Ribbon.

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.

What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.

Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park in his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.

Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!

Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!

Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)

What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."

Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.

Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!

Black people are living proof we evolved from monkeys.