Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
"You look like you've lost some weight."
"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"
Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”
A fat man meets a skinny man The fat man tells the skinny man: "when people look at you, they think the world's starving to death"
And the skinny man responds: "when they look at you, they know why"
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! Thats not going to help!" She said. "Sure it does." he said. "Its the only way i can see the numbers."
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a Fat Man, a whole city disappeared.
I know five fat people and you're three of them
Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
what do fat demons hate, exorcise
Im not fat!!
Im a Nutritional Overachiever
Eric's mom asked to his son why his bag is heavy and if it is because of books. Eric replied "No, magazines"
Why are fish 🐟 easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
White girl : So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight? Me holding a rock of meth : YES!!!
Location is in London by the way. One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money. His friend, "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"
Name an ant which is very heavy ?
eleph-ant
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
Muslim child to his mother "mom why is my backpack so heavy ?" Mom: "allah akbar my son allah akbar"
I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.
