Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
"You look like you've lost some weight."
"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
A fat man meets a skinny man.
The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."
And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."
Yo mama is so fat, it took Nationwide 15 years to get on her side.
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."
Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."
Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."
Yo mama so fat Thanos had to clap.
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!
You shouldn’t bully fat people.
They already have enough on their plate.
I know five fat people, and you're three of them.
Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.
Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!
Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
