My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

Russian history in 5 words: “And then things got worse.”

I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.

Q: What did I find on my son’s search history. A:Where is the nearest gun shop.

history teacher: They had a temporary cure for the disease , but it would be years before the found a cure for life. Student: I need that.