Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction".
Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr Baker was probably a baker. Mr Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr Dickinson....
What is Hitler's favorite game?
Nahtzee
Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.
Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like: Jackson: CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION???
*my mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she recieved it from her cousin* ( ╹▽╹ )
*Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed of the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile* (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
Simpsons.
Meet the Simpsons.
They're the greatest modern family.
From the town of Springfield.
They're a page right out of history.
I screamed "Jenga" today in class while watching a 9/11 documentary.
Your hairline so far back I learned about it in history class
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
What do Michaelangelo and Hitler have in common?
They both used their brain to paint the ceiling
I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.
He sure was a popular guy. Everywhere he went, people shouted “Hi Hitler” and gave him a little wave.
Watching the 9/11 documentaries just watching a kill cam
