What do you take care of after a car crash? The witnesses
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
* What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital? * ... * A FLATLINE!
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says "what about the children" the rabbi says "fuck the children" and the Priest says "do you think we'll have time
911 jokes usually go over my head
Then it hits me
I have an EpiPen
Friend gave it to me when he was as dying
It seemed really important to him that I have it
*Titanic was sinking. Passenger: How far are we from land? Captain: Two miles. Passenger: Which direction? Captain: Down.
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
A boy and his mother survived a car crash. The boy asks his mother "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
i just found out my ex got stabbed today....lets just say i lost my job as a butcher
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today. Now they call him Hot Wheels.
You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.
One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.
What do you call you're daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance
I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am
I was watching the local chief police in America, he said we will never forget 911. I thought i should hope not its your phone number.
I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
